


Faces

by bowtieseleven



Category: The Creatures (Youtube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, i might write more in this universe, i've pulled this one off the dusty shelves of my laptop, if that's what people want, kootraHD - Freeform, koova, they've all been through a lot of shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7110679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowtieseleven/pseuds/bowtieseleven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We never know who we might find along the way, and we also never know who we might lose.<br/>That’s just how Fate rolls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faces

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I haven't posted this before now. I wrote it forever ago and it's still one of my favorites that I've written. Warning- it's sad. I'm not sorry.

James was ninety percent sure that it was classical music drifting up the street. He blinked the fog out of his eyes, shaking his head and pinching himself, but the music played on. He limped slowly up the crumbling sidewalk towards the familiar sound despite himself. He was at the end of his rope and if he died hearing something familiar, then so be it. He kept going, painfully, and the music got louder. It was definitely classical. James had always hated classical, but really, you can’t be picky in the zombie apocalypse. A noise that wasn’t the music caught James’s attention, sluggish though he was, and he turned just in time to see a zombie coming right for him. He had to catch himself from fighting back out of reflex. In the background, the music swelled, and James closed his eyes. 

He woke up to silence. No music, no zombies. As far as he could tell, nothing. He wondered if he was dead, then his leg throbbed and he knew he wasn’t. Wearily, he opened his eyes. Blurry shapes were hovering in the air above him, so he blinked a few times and looked again. They were faces. Two of them, both boys with dark hair and tan skin. 

“Kevin, he’s awake,” the one on the right said.

“I can see that Sheila, shush.”

One boy and a girl with short hair, then. 

The boy turned his head to the side and gestured at somebody. “Jordan, he’s awake. Get over here.” 

Now, another face joined the others. Jordan, presumably. This one was attractive with his serious eyes and messy brown hair sticking out from under a red Cardinals baseball cap. He shoved a hand down towards James. “Can you sit up?” 

James didn’t think so, he felt like death, but he took the guy’s hand and nodded. Jordan was strong; he pulled and James managed to get somewhat more upright, but it hurt. He tried to hold back a groan. 

“Is it your leg?” The girl asked. She kneeled down to examine it and James noticed for the first time that it was bandaged. “What happened to you? We were afraid that it was a bite at first, but it looks more like a gouge.” 

“Just an accident,” James mumbled, gritting his teeth as she prodded it. 

“Gosh Sheila, you’re hurting him. You’re no nurse,” Kevin said glaring at her. 

“Well neither are you. You’re the one was sure that he was bit,” she retorted. But she stopped poking at his leg, sitting back on her heels with an apologetic glance at James. 

“It’s ok,” he assured her. Suddenly a memory came rushing back. A confusing one. James gasped. “Were any of you playing classical music back there?”

“What?” Sheila asked, obviously confused. “No, why?”

“It was playing before I passed out,” James said. He looked at the blank stares he was being given and sighed. “I swear!”

Kevin shook his head. “You seem like a nice enough guy,” he remarked, studying him intently. “If a little delusional. But we can never be too careful about who we befriend. Especially after what happened with…”

“Enough,” Jordan snapped. Startled, James looked at Kevin, who’s face had gone white. 

“Gosh, I’m sorry Jordan, I…” he trailed off, looking away, then back at James. “I’ll get you some water, you’re probably thirsty,” and he was gone. James was even more confused now. What had just happened?

Sheila tried to diffuse the electric silence with a smile. 

“Well, we know nothing about you. For all we know, you could be an axe murder. Enlighten us, maybe?” James looked between her and Jordan, who was lost in thought and looked miles away. 

“Is he…?”

“I’m fine,” the tall boy said shortly, startling him. “Come on, tell us your name.”

“James. James Wilson.”

“Hi James Wilson,” Sheila shook his hand, eyes twinkling. “I’m Sheila, that bozo over there is my brother Kevin and this is Jordan, but you’ve already figured that out. He’s the boss, I guess. We’re glad to have you as long as you aren’t a psycho or anything.”

“I’m not a psycho. At least I don’t think so.”

Sheila laughed and James decided that he liked her. The girl looked at Jordan, who was looking as icy as possible. 

“He’s the one who saved you,” she said. James looked at him in surprise. 

“You weren’t fighting them back,” Jordan said suddenly. “Why not?”

James looked down, feeling suddenly very tired. “I guess I was just done fighting back. “

Jordan nodded, accepting this, but Sheila frowned. “There’s always hope. You should never give up fighting.”

“He was done, Sheila. He made his decision. Is that so bad?” 

“Jordan…” 

“Never mind. Forget I said anything,” Jordan stood up. “Take care of him. He shouldn’t be staying too long,” and he stalked off. Sheila shook her head in his direction. Her eyes were sad when she looked away. 

“You can stay as long as you want. Now where’s Kevin? I though he went to get you water. You hungry too?”

James was very hungry. He couldn’t remember his last meal but he couldn’t ask these people to give up food, which must be precious. “Kind of. What kind of supplies do you guys have?” 

“Look around, we’re in a grocery store. Well, the back rooms. There’s lots and lots of stuff here. This place is pretty big, but we don’t have it all under control.”

“Is it just the three of you?” James asked, impressed. It must have taken a lot of effort to barricade the place and make it zombie and people proof.

However Sheila’s face dropped at the question. “No, there were more. Two more. David and Aleks,” she lowered her voice as she said the names. “Jordan doesn’t let us talk about them though. It was rough, what happened. Nobody wants to talk about it.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” James said. He knew what it was like to lose people. Who didn’t? 

“Yeah, well. It is what it is. But Jordan hasn’t been doing so well since then.” 

That was obvious, unless the guy had always been so reserved and cold as block of ice.

“He must have been good friends with them,” he pointed out.

Sheila opened her mouth to reply, but jumped and snapped it shut when someone called her name. 

“I’m coming Jordan!” She called, turning around as Kevin walked up. “There you are. I’m going to go see what the bossman wants. If James is feeling up to it, why don’t you show him around?”

“Sure thing, sis,” Kevin saluted her as she rolled her eyes and left. 

James took the water bottle that was offered to him. It was cold in his hands. He unscrewed the cap and took a drink. “How…?”

“There’s a generator. It keeps things running, like the fridges over there. It’s pretty sweet to be holed up in a grocery store.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Not too long. Long enough for bad things to happen. Hey, talking about bad things, what happened to your leg, man. Really.”

James looked at it. Blood was seeping through the bandages already, but it felt better, not so much like it was sapping his energy. “There was an incident with a fence,” he said wryly. “It was stupid, but things like that tend to happen to me.” Kevin winced sympathetically. 

“Ouch man. Must have been some fence.”

James finished the water bottle in silence. When he was done, Kevin took the empty bottle and crumpled it up. 

“Bet I can get it in that trash can over there?” he pointed to a small trash bin across the room.

“No way,” James shook his head in fake seriousness.

“Watch and learn my friend.” Kevin took a ridiculous amount of time lining up his shot and moving around until James was laughing. Finally, in true basketball form, he took the shot and it sailed right in. “Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! 3 points right there. What did I tell you? Who’s the man?” he cried, running around the room with his hands in the air. 

James was laughing harder than he had in months. “I admit it, I was wrong. You’re the man.”

The black haired boy laughed. “That’s right, I am. How about I show you around this place now. You can walk?”

“I don’t know. I’ll try.”

With Kevin’s help, James found that he could walk if he leaned on him a bit. He guided him out of the room, talking with genuine enthusiasm. 

“We think this was the break room. When we got here there was a broken old microwave and a mini fridge and stuff like that. Now it’s an all purpose kind of room. That’s where you can stay if you like.”

“Does everyone get their own rooms?” 

“Well, their own space at least. If they want.”

“Hmm,” James nodded, looking around. “You guys are lucky you found a place like this. I’ve never had somewhere safe.”

“Nothing’s ever completely safe,” Kevin said. “We learned that the hard way.”

Not for the first time since getting here, James was overcome with curiosity. What the hell had happened to make everyone so jumpy? He had to at least ask. James looked around quickly and seeing no one, he lowered his voice and looked straight at the other boy. "Sheila mentioned two other people who were here. Kyle and Aleks.”

Kevin immediately broke eye contact and shifted his feet uncomfortably.

“She probably shouldn’t have told you that. Did she tell you not to mention it to Jordan?”

James nodded impatiently. “Yeah, but can you tell me anything more about it? I don’t mean to pry but I can’t help being curious. And if I’m going to stay with you guys for a bit then I should probably know.”

“Well, you are prying,” Kevin shrugged. “But that’s ok. I understand why you would be curious.” He paused and James held his breath. “I can tell you the gist of what happened, but the rest should be up to Jordan to tell. Not me or Sheila. Even if he never decides to tell you, it has to do with him more than any of us.”

James nodded. That was fair, of course. Kevin sat down, his back resting against the wall and James slid down next to him.

“Kyle and Aleks were part of our group. Aleks was there from the beginning. Kyle joined later, but he was still a good friend. Well, for a while,” Kevin murmured. “We actually rescued him like we did you. But that’s not important. About six months ago we found this place. It was empty but parts of it were in shambles. We made it into a safe house as best as we could and everything was going well for a few months. Everyone was encouraged. Jordan was especially happy and since he was our leader that made us happy. Until some kids moved in across the street.”

“Across the street?” James asked, interrupting the story. Kevin nodded.

“There’s another big store across from us. I think it was a furniture store that went out of business or something. Jordan met their leader, Seamus and they seemed friendly enough. It was hard for them to get food, so we made a deal. We share some of our food with them and they give us weapons since they somehow had a ton. Seamus agreed and we became allies, somewhat. Aleks and I never liked Seamus and his group too much, but Jordan thought they were alright so that was that.  
Anyway, Kyle got real chummy with them real fast. Apparently he had known one of the kids before he had joined us. When we became rivals with them, we were sure that he would go over to their side. When he didn’t, we should have been suspicious. Aleks was, but the rest of us ignored him. We all regret it now. A lot.” Kevin stopped, looking down and twisting his hands in his lap. 

“You need to stop?” James asked, softly. He was getting an idea of where this story was going.

Kevin swallowed, but shook his head. “No, no. I think it’s good for me to get it out there. Jordan doesn’t let us talk about it, like it never even happened. But it did and it was partly my fault,” he sniffed. “One thing led to another between our group and Seamus’s until things blew up and they were attacking us. It almost felt like it came out of nowhere. The first thing they did was knock down the barriers we had set up in front. They used an explosive of some sort. Needless to say, the noise attracted zombies. Aleks and Kyle were on watch at the time. By the time we got out there, Kyle had a gun to Aleks’ head and Seamus and his kids were pointing our own weapons at us.”

James swore.

“Yeah,” Kevin agreed, his voice rough. “I still have nightmares about that asshole holding a goddamn gun to my friend’s head with that disgusting smirk on his disgusting face. So many zombies were coming from all around us. There was nothing we could do. Jordan wouldn’t be here today if Sheila and I hadn’t held him back from rushing out there to try and murder Kyle with his bare hands. Things were getting desperate, fast. None of us were sure if Kyle was bluffing or not and none of us wanted to risk it. I tried reasoning with Seamus and it kind of worked. Kyle wasn’t listening to anyone at that point though. Finally, the zombies got too close and the bastard made a run for it, shoving Aleks towards them. Jordan got away from us and was next to Aleks right away, helping him fight off the zombies. Seamus’ group and ours worked together to take out about a hundred of them before things started settling down. Seamus decided enough was enough and he and I agreed on a truce.”

“Wait, so…?”

Kevin sighed. “I’m getting there. Jordan was still over next to Aleks, talking to him. Seamus was next to me and his group was going back to their base. That’s when I noticed Kyle, staring at me and Seamus shaking hands and I swear he was trembling with rage. I also noticed that he still had the gun. I looked over from him to Aleks and Jordan and I saw him do the same and I knew, I just knew. But it was too late. One minute, Jordan had his hands on Aleks’ shoulders, and Aleks was smiling up at him like he always did and the next, there was a gun shot and a spray of blood and Aleks crumpled to the ground.”  
Now, Kevin was crying. Tears were rolling down his flushed cheeks as wiped at them, gulping. “He was one of the best friends I’ve ever had and he was gone. Just like that.”

James was gaping, horrified and feeling on the verge of tears himself. It had been so much worse then he had expected. Poor Aleks. Poor Jordan. He had been right there in front of him as his friend died. No wonder he was withdrawn. “And Kyle?” he choked out.

Kevin scrubbed at his tears angrily. “The bastard got away. Haven’t seen him since. He wouldn’t be alive if I had.”  
James just looked down at his folded legs, picking at the edge of the bandage. He felt like he couldn’t even say sorry. It sounded so petty and stupid next to what had happened. What a shitty world it was. 

After a few minutes of melancholy silence, Kevin got up and offered a hand down to him. “I’m sorry I dumped all that on you. I told you too much, but it all just kind of spilled out. It might be stupid because I just met you, but I trust you. There’s more to the story but like I said, it’s not my place to tell it. Now what do you say we go see what Sheila’s found for dinner?”

“Sounds good to me,” James said, taking the hand and standing up slowly and painfully.

Sheila and Jordan were already sitting around a pile of boxes that they apparently used as a table. The slim girl looked up as they walked in, raising her eyebrows at Kevin. James watched as he widened his eyes and shook his head slightly at her. He realized they were having a mental conversation and looked away politely. Jordan was looking at him curiously.

“So, Kevin showed you around?”

“Yeah. You seem to have a pretty good setup here.”

The man nodded slowly. “What can I say? We got lucky,” he said, voice dripping with bitterness.

James cleared his throat awkwardly. “Sheila, this looks great.”

“It’s literally just cold canned food, but thanks,” she laughed. James shrugged, taking a paper plate.

“Looks better than anything I’ve eaten in a while.”

“Speaking of that,” Jordan said, leaning back and crossing his arms. “What happened before we found you? Were you alone?” 

James really didn’t feel like talking about it but he sighed and though ‘fuck it’. “I’ve been alone for a while,” he admitted. “I was with a small group, but we got attacked and I was the only one that made it out.”

“That’s terrible!” Sheila exclaimed. Kevin nodded sympathetically. Jordan just narrowed his eyes.  
James shook his head. “Don’t feel too bad. I didn’t know them very well. It was tough, but I didn’t mourn very much. I know that sounds bad, but I had bigger things to worry about.”

“I understand,” Sheila said. “I bet you were lonely though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was. It’s nice being around people again. Especially people who aren’t assholes.”

“I know the feeling,” Kevin agreed, a little darkly. 

“Hey, I’m going to go start the night watch,” Jordan said suddenly, pushing away from the table.

“You’ve barely eaten anything,” Sheila whined. He just glared at her, shaking his head.

“Why don’t you take James with you?” Kevin suggested. 

“Why?” Jordan asked shortly. James was wondering the same thing. Jordan didn’t seem to like him very much at all. 

“Show him how it’s done. Let him get some fresh air. I dunno,” Kevin turned to James. “You want to?”

“I guess so,” he said uncertainly. It kind of felt like Kevin was trying to dump him off on Jordan, but he didn’t say anything.

“Fine,” Jordan sighed. “You can walk, right?”

James stood up and tested his leg out. It still hurt like hell, but it was bearable. “Yeah.”

“Good. Follow me.”

James followed him into a room even further back in the store where they apparently stored their weapons. The taller man took a rifle and handed James a shotgun. Then they went up a flight of stairs that led out onto the roof. 

The chilly night air hit James like a slap in the face. Jordan led him over to the edge, which had a short wall around it, but was still easy to look over.  
There were at least twenty zombies just roaming around in the parking lot. They seemed to be minding their own business, but James still caught his breath. Jordan noticed this and nodded.

“Yep. You see why we have a night watch?” 

“Yeah, yeah I do.” 

“This is our life now. Being on edge all the time. Hoping that our defenses hold,” Jordan muttered, pulling his red baseball cap farther down over his forehead. James gazed at his silhouetted profile and wondered if he had only become such a downer since Aleks was killed. Somehow he was pretty sure the answer was yes. “I can feel you looking at me,” Jordan snapped. “If you have something to say, spit it out.”

“Have you always been such an asshole?” James blurted. He winced as soon as the words left his mouth, but Jordan just quirked a grim half-smile.

“Probably.”

James shook his head at him. “Have you always been so talkative too?”

“I find there’s not much to talk about these days,” the serious man shrugged, still gazing off at the hazy rooftops.  
James supposed that was fair, but the guy could at least try to make an effort. At least he was good looking, but he didn’t want to makes things even more awkward by staring so he looked away. The two stood in silence, watching, until James couldn’t take it any longer and cleared his throat. He might as well ask him too.

“So, Jordan.”

“Hmm?”

“I was told there was more people in your group once. What happened?”

Jordan turned and glared at him, making eye contact for the first time all evening and even in the dim light, James could make out that his eyes were a piercing greenish blue. 

“How much did Kevin tell you?” he asked sharply.

“Ha, what? I…”

“I know he was talking to you about it. How much did he tell you?”

“Just…what happened mostly. He said that there were parts that he couldn’t tell me, that only you could.”

Jordan looked away again, nodding.“Good.” 

James folded his arms to his chest, suddenly cold.“So that’s it then? Good?”

“Yes. I don’t even know you. There are things you don’t need to know.” 

“Painful things?” James probed. He felt a bit like an asshole for saying it though.

“I don’t need your help,” Jordan said stiffly. “Go get some sleep.”

Ouch. James shrugged and turned away. “Fine, if you say so.”

But just as he placed his foot on the top step, he heard the tall boy speak again. 

“No, wait.”

He turned around meeting the boy’s eyes again and raising an eyebrow. “Yes?”

Jordan just looked at him for a moment before sighing and slumping against the wall behind him. He took the cap off of his head and held it, twisting it in his hands.  
“Did he tell you…about…,” he stopped and blinked hard twice. He swallowed before trying again. “About…”

James took pity on him and filled in the blank. “About Aleks?” he suggested softly. “Yes he did.”

Jordan froze, the hat bunched up in his still hands, his face glowing and pale in the moonlight. “Yes. About that. Him.” He murmured, smoothing out his baseball cap and shoving it on his head, pulling the brim low over his eyes again. “How much…?”

“Not a lot. That he was everyone’s friend, but your best friend.”

Jordan nodded slowly, sniffed and turned away, still leaning heavily against the wall. “Go down and sleep now,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Really.”

James nodded even though Jordan wasn’t looking at him. “Goodnight, Jordan.”

He didn’t get an answer.

Kevin was still awake and he was more than happy to find a corner for James to sleep in. He didn’t seem surprised to find out that he had been kicked off the roof.

“He let you stay up there with him longer than I thought,” he told James enthusiastically while throwing him a pillow. “He must like you.”

“That’s a good joke right there,” he grumbled, almost catching the pillow in his face. “I’m dying of laughter.”

“Whatever,” Kevin snorted. “Night. Don’t let the rats get you.”

“Wait! There’s rats?” James called after him. But of course he didn’t get an answer from him either.

The next morning, James awoke to a shouting match being held in the room next to his. He couldn’t help but hear what they were saying, so he paused, listening.

“….told you this before, Kevin!” Jordan was yelling.

“I know, Jordan! I’m not stupid, ok? I just…” That was Kevin. He sounded pretty mad.

“You just what? That had nothing to do with you and you had no business blabbing it to people we don’t know!”

James caught his breath, wondering if he should keep on listening, but Kevin burst out loudly, “No. Stop right there. Fuck you, Jordan. What happened had a lot to do with me. A whole lot. You’re not the only one who cared about him you know. Just because you…” His voice cut off suddenly and there was a terrible silence. James was standing now, holding his breath. Then Kevin spoke again but it was a struggle to make out the words this time.

“Oh fuck, Jordan, I’m sorry. I…I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry,” he pleaded. Jordan mumbled something that James couldn’t quite pick up, but he got the gist.  
He made his way to the door of the room, wondering if it was safe to go in. Just as he placed his hand on the knob it opened and Jordan ran into him, his hat getting knocked off.

“Sorry!” James said, reaching down and picking it up. It was old, but soft and as he was handing it over, he noticed some smeared letters inked on the underside of the brim. Jordan grabbed it before he could see what they were. He clutched it protectively, glaring at James before pushing past him and disappearing around the corner. “Good morning to you too,” James called after him. When he turned back around, Kevin was standing in the doorway looking sheepish.

“God I hope you didn’t hear all that.”

“Well…not all of it.”

Kevin grimaced. “Try to forget everything you did hear then.”

“Still think Jordan likes me?” James asked, gesturing to where the boy had disappeared.

“Who knows?” Kevin shrugged. “The guy’s an enigma and I've known him for a year. Anyway, you want some breakfast?”

Breakfast was somber. Even Sheila was much more quiet than usual and she alternated between glancing angrily at Kevin and then at the open door. James just ate his food feeling awkward and a little concerned. 

Apparently Jordan wasn’t very happy with Kevin for telling him about what had happened. The guy seemed extremely sensitive about it, even for someone who had lost a friend. For the first time, James wondered just how good of friends Aleks and Jordan had been. He didn’t dare to ask anyone though. The guy would probably murder him in his sleep. Finally, Sheila spoke up, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Kevin where did Jordan go exactly?” 

“I dunno,” Kevin grunted, picking at his granola bar. “I fucked up, ok? But I don’t know where he stomped off to.”  
Sheila just shook her head, looking nervous. She drummed her fingers on the table.

“I just have a feeling, Kev.”

Kevin’s head shot up. “What kind of a feeling?”

“I don’t know! A bad one,” she snapped. 

“What? You think Jordan’s gotten himself in trouble?” James asked, looking between the two.

“Who knows? But we better find him,” Kevin said grimly, standing up and brushing crumbs from his shirt. “He’s not exactly stable these days.”

James nodded, standing up as well. “I’ll help you look for him.”

“Thanks,” Sheila smiled. “We’re lucky you’re here, James.”

James, Kevin, and Sheila split up searching the halls and the roof. Kevin sent him in a general direction so James ended up wandering around in some backroom feeling very lost. He felt stupid calling for someone in an almost empty room but he did anyway.

“Jordan?” 

His voice echoed off the walls, coming back to him, but without a reply. He shrugged, glancing around again. The room held nothing but empty boxes and some wooden pallets leaning against the far wall. James turned, about to leave when he heard what could only be described as a sniffle. He stopped, eyes latching on to the pallets against the wall. Aha. “Ok I know you’re there,” he called. “Want to come out?”

There was no reply besides another sniff. James sighed and picked his way around the boxes to the other side of the room. He crouched down beside the pallets, looking into the space below where they met the wall. Sure enough, Jordan was huddled behind them, head down and knees drawn to his chest. His hat was off and it was clutched in the boy’s hands with his face buried in it. James could just make out his shaking shoulders and a surge of sorrow caught him by surprise. It seemed wrong to see the quiet boy like this, even though he hardly knew him.

“Hey,” James said softly. Jordan shook his head, pushing his face further into the soaked hat. James considered leaving him to his tears, but somehow that didn’t seem like the right thing to do, so he squeezed himself into the small space as well, placing an arm around the trembling shoulders. He didn’t speak, just hummed to himself quietly and hugged Jordan until he stopped shaking. Slowly, he raised his head, showing James his tear stained cheeks and mottled skin. James widened his eyes in concern. “Man you don’t look too good. Did you sleep at all last night?”

Jordan shook his head, looking down again. He was clutching the now damp baseball cap in his hands, squeezing it with his fingers. It seemed to be a source of comfort and James wondered why. He was almost too afraid to ask. Almost.

“Where’d you get that?” 

Jordan’s lips turned up in a sad, watery smile. He sniffed again and James was surprised when he actually got an answer. “It was Aleks’,” he said softly, his voice hoarse and low.

James felt suddenly very bad for asking. “Oh,” he murmured. And then, because he didn’t know what else to say, “I’m sorry.”

The other boy only leaned his head back against the wall, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He sniffed. “I’m sorry I’ve been so awful. You’re not a bad guy. I just…it’s hard to understand.”

“Honestly you haven’t been that awful. And I…I think I understand a little better now.”

There was a silence while Jordan collected himself some more before he spoke again.“Are they looking for me? Is Kevin mad at me?” 

“Yes, and no. He’s worried, but not mad.”

He sighed, running a hand through his messy brown hair. “I’m a terrible friend.”

“No, you’re a good friend who terrible things have happened to,” James corrected.

Jordan hummed thoughtfully, thinking for a moment. “Thanks,” he finally said quietly.

“No problem. But we should probably go find Kevin and Sheila. It’s getting kind of uncomfortable back here.”

They found the two out in the hall looking very anxious. James watched as Kevin ran to Jordan and embraced him, almost knocking his hat off. He mumbled into the taller boy’s shoulder while Jordan rubbed his back and whispered something in return and when they pulled apart Sheila hugged him next. James smiled at the friends. He had once had something similar, but that had ended when everything else started. These three were lucky to still have each other.  
Sheila interrupted his thoughts.

“Thanks for finding him, James.”

James nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets sheepishly. “Yeah. He was pretty upset though. Is he ok?”

Sheila glanced back at James and Kevin who were talking. “No, not really. I can tell you more about it later.”

“Maybe I’ll just ask Jordan myself this time.”

“You can do that, but you probably won’t get much out of him.”

Over the next couple days, James became an official part of the group. Jordan didn’t talk to him any more than he had when they first met, but he wasn’t so cold now. James didn’t work up the courage to ask him anything else, but he was determined to find out the whole story eventually. 

Days became weeks and Aleks still hadn’t been mentioned again. The norm was waking up, eating breakfast, patrolling or talking or playing cards, and eating dinner. They usually skipped lunch for ration purposes. A couple time Jordan let them go out and look around the buildings around them, but only when the zombies were scarce and everyone was very bored. 

Over these weeks, James yearned to get to know Jordan better. He fascinated him. His messy brown hair and blue eyes, his sad, brooding smile, and that ever present red hat. He looked constantly tired and James was beginning to suspect that he hardly ever slept. He wanted so badly to ask the man about that, among other things, but he was always being subtly pushed away. It only made him more determined to break those barriers.

One sunny afternoon he followed Jordan up to the roof where he often retreated. Kevin told him he went up there when he wanted to be alone and no one dared follow, but today James did. 

Jordan made it all the way to the top of the stairs before he figured it out. He stopped and James could see the muscles tense in his shoulders. 

“James,” the boy said simply.

“What?” James asked. He knew he was taking a risk, but he was still relieved when Jordan just shook his head and kept going. 

The sun was high in the sky and shone down warmly on the two boys on the roof. Jordan lay on his back gazing up at the clouds passing by. James sat down beside him, and gazed at Jordan. After several minutes, Jordan broke the lazy silence. “Why’d you come up here with me?” 

“I dunno. I guess I wanted to hang out with you. I like you,” James said frankly. 

Jordan let out a short laugh. “Ok then. I can’t imagine why.”

James squinted at the sun and when he looked away, bright spots swam in his vision. He blinked at the man beside him, trying to clear them. “Me neither actually. But I do. And you’ve been ignoring me.”

“No I haven’t,” Jordan protested, frowning. James just looked at him until the other boy sighed. “Fine. I’m an idiot ok? That’s why. I’m just a messed up idiot who has zero social skills.”

James took that in for a moment. He shifted himself so he was lying down next to Jordan before answering. “I don’t agree with ninety percent of what you just said. I wasn’t looking for an explanation. Just maybe a promise that we can be friends?” 

He sounded more uncertain on the last bit than he wanted, but Jordan just looked at him, his eyes bright with something like gratitude.

“Ok. I can do that.”

“Great,” he grinned. “Oh, by the way. Do you ever swear? I haven’t heard you say a curse word the entire time I’ve been here.”

“Naw,” Jordan said, shaking his head. “I just never really wanted to.”

“C’mon,” James goaded. “You have to have said fuck once. Just once.”

To his surprise, the other boy’s eyes dimmed a little bit.

“Once,” he murmured. 

Confused, James let it drop. At least Jordan knew that he wanted to be friends. 

And friends they were. Jordan was still quiet but he began to show James the other sides of him.  
He found out about his goofy side when Jordan coerced him into pranking Kevin which ended in James getting a black eye and Jordan apologizing with a smirk.  
To his delight he discovered the man’s geeky side when they were all sitting around after dinner one day talking about video games and movies. 

“I never pegged you for a nerd,” he snickered after Jordan went into a monologue about graphics and some other things that were way over James’ head. 

Jordan just shrugged, looking unperturbed. “You never asked.”

“Man, I miss video games,” Kevin groaned. 

“I beat you at literally every game ever,” Sheila reminded him, looking amused. The boy shrugged.

“Eh, it was still fun.”

It was Jordan’s adorable side that caught James the most by surprise. One day the man had gone up to the roof for several hours and still hadn’t come down. James respected his alone time, but he figured he should check on him. 

The door at the top of the stairs was closed and it creaked as James pushed it open. It wasn’t quite dark yet, but it was getting there, and the roof was bathed in soft, waning light. He spotted Jordan in the corner right away, but he wasn’t sitting or standing like usual. He was curled in a ball, sleeping. James could see the gentle rise and fall of his breaths and as he tiptoed over he saw the familiar cap clutched to Jordan’s chest. He was smiling in his sleep and James had never seen him look so serene. He stood for a few moments just watching him. 

The withdrawn boy looked so young and vulnerable, the wrinkles on his forehead smoothed out and his brown hair messy and soft looking. James resisted the urge to run his fingers through it. 

All of a sudden a surge of protectiveness rushed through him unexpectedly, making James gasp. Disconcerted, he bent down to gently shake Jordan’s shoulder.

“Mmm?” he groaned, not opening his eyes.

“Jordan, sorry but you should probably get up,” James whispered apologetically.

Jordan sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Why are you whispering?” he yawned. James swallowed. He still looked so endearing like this, sleepy and flushed from a nap. He still longed to run his fingers through that hair to smooth down the wild strands. Instead, he closed his fingers into fists at his sides and shrugged.  
Jordan just yawned again, rolling his eyes and got up, pulling the hat snugly down over his hair. “Thanks for waking me up,” he said before going down the stairs, leaving James to stand in the fading light, completely lost for words.

He was fucked. 

After that night, James kept noticing instances when Jordan did something that was cute or looked cute. It was really quite distracting. He tried not to stare, especially after Sheila caught him and gave him a funny look, but it was hard. Suddenly everything Jordan did was interesting and his eyes were mesmerizing.  
James didn’t know what was happening to him. Or he did and he didn’t want to admit it.

One night at dinner, James froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. Realization had hit him in the face like a brick with no warning. 

“James, you ok?” Jordan asked.

James was freaking out. This had never been part of the plan. But fate was cruel and Jordan was attractive and honestly, James had never stood a chance. He had watched Jordan laugh, seen those beautiful eyes light up, seen that stupid red hat one too many times and something snapped. James hardly resisted the urge to push him up against the wall and hold him close, kiss him. Even now the desire was burning deep in his belly. He had to get away. 

He excused himself quickly, ignoring Jordan’s concerned gaze and Kevin and Sheila’s questions, and rushed out. He was planning on going to his room (well, his corner) but something stopped him as he passed the stairway that led up to the roof. Some fresh air would do him good, he thought.

He ended up huddled in a corner, sucking in deep breaths that bordered on sobs. Why, why, why, why. Why was this happening to him? “Why do you have to be so perfect?” he whispered into the night. “Why did you have to make it so easy?”

But of course he got no answer.

Screw fate, screw zombies, screw James’ stupid heart and Jordan’s stupid eyes and lips and laugh and everything. James almost thought screw Aleks, but stopped himself, ashamed. 

He stayed there, curled up and shivering until Jordan found him, shaking him awake. James longed to tell him everything, but he simply got up and followed him down the stairs and to his bed, where he was left. Alone. 

James didn’t sleep that night.

Neither did Jordan.

“Jordan!” came the sudden yell that startled James awake. He looked over at Jordan whose eyes were wide open and alert.

“That was Sheila,” he whispered. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Jordan murmured gravely. “Better go find out.”

The tall man jumped up, shoving his hat into his pocket. James followed him out into the hall where Sheila almost collided with them. She was panting, terror etched onto her face. 

“He’s here,” she cried. 

“Who?” James started, but the look on Jordan’s face told him everything. He had never seen the man look so angry and so stricken.

“David,” he spat, trembling with rage. “Where is he, Sheila?”

The girl just shook her head frantically. “Jordan, he has Kevin,” she wailed before bursting into tears.

Ice bloomed in James’ belly. He froze, but Jordan was already running outside. By the time James got there, he was met with the sight of a strange boy holding Kevin and grinning evilly while waving around a gun and Jordan standing about ten feet away, holding his hands out towards them.

“David,” he was saying, his voice low and threatening. “Let go of him.”

“Why should I?” David laughed. “He was dumb enough to let himself get caught. Kind of like that friend of yours...”  
Jordan’s fist cut him off. The boy stumbled back, clutching at his jaw. The gun clattered to the ground and Kevin slipped out of his grasp, stumbling away into the shadows. David picked up the weapon quickly before Jordan could make a move for it.

“Oh no, he got away,” David tried to laugh again, but winced. A little blood trickled from his lip. “That’s ok, I don’t need him. Who’s this though?” he asked, turning towards James. Involuntarily, he backed up a step. This guy was fucking crazy.

“Leave him alone,” Jordan said, his teeth gritted. “I swear I’m going to kill you right now.”

David held up his hands and raised his eyebrows. “Ok, but how? I don’t see a gun anywhere and you know I could always beat you in a fight, Jor Jor. It doesn’t seem like you’re very prepared to get your revenge.”

James wished he could kill this guy himself. 

“James, go inside,” Jordan hissed out of the corner of his mouth. “I can deal with him.”

“Like hell you can,” he retorted. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Aw, how domestic,” David jeered.

“What are you doing here?” Jordan asked, cutting him off. 

“Good question! Well, to explain I’ll need to give a little background information. You see, out of everybody I always hated you the most. Now you might be wondering why I didn’t kill you that day. I always knew that you and the little Russian shit had a thing…”

This time, he dodged the punch. Jordan went after him but froze when he saw the barrel of the gun pointed at his face. He stood there, trembling with pent up rage. 

James wished he could do something, anything.

“You have to let me finish,” David said, annoyed. “I figured what better way to get at you than through Aleks. Literally,” he snickered.  
Jordan was full out shaking now, his face as white as snow except for an angry flush on his cheeks. 

“Don’t. Say. His. Name,” he growled, hands balled into fists. 

“Stop interrupting me!” David groaned. “God. Anyway, I figured right. I single handedly destroyed the great Jordan Mathewson and I didn’t have to lay a finger on him. I decided to come back for more. That kind of power gets to you after a while.”

Jordan laughed but it was black and bitter, completely without humor. It hurt James’ heart to hear it. “Fine, shoot me then,” he laughed, arms spread open wide. “Go ahead.”

What was he doing? Was he crazy? James started forward, ready to pull him out of the line of fire.

But David bit his lip and narrowed his eyes. He regarded Jordan closely before shaking his head, a deadly smirk playing on his lips. “No, I have a feeling that’s what you want. No, I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.”

And before James could react, the insane boy swung the gun around so it was pointed straight at him and he pulled the trigger. 

People say that everything goes in slow motion right before a car crash. That’s what happened to James. Time seemed to move at a crawl as the trigger was pulled and the bullet exited the barrel. People also say that when faced with death, your life flashes before your eyes. That’s not what happened to James. Instead, all he saw was Jordan. He closed his eyes, preparing for the worst, regretting he never said how he felt. 

But then nothing happened. Time sped up again and James wasn’t dead or in pain. At least until he felt a warm body collapse onto him, deadweight in his arms.

Jordan. 

No.

James looked up and straight at David who looked astonished, his mouth hanging open, the smoking gun still in his hand. And something snapped. He lowered Jordan to the ground gently and rushed forwards, tackling the astonished boy before he could react. He pinned him to the ground.

“You shot him!” he shrieked, punching him in the face. “He did nothing to you and you took everything from him!”

David just looked coolly up at him, blood dripping from his nose now. “Tough shit. He deserved it anyw…”

BANG

James stared down at the now still form beneath him. He dropped the gun and stumbled back to Jordan who was lying in a heap. James rolled him over on his back carefully. A hole in his belly was dripping blood, but he was breathing. Frantically, James put both hands over the wound, pressing down, trying to stop the bleeding.

“Jordan,” he pleaded. “Jordan talk to me!”

“James?” the man coughed, slowly blinking his eyes open. “Is…is he dead?”

“Yes,” James choked out. 

“Thank you,” came the soft answer. Jordan’s head lolled back again.

“No, listen, you’re going to be fine,” James said. The words sounded hollow and false, but he needed them to be true.

“We both know that’s not true,” Jordan breathed. “But it’s ok.”

James choked up, tears threatening to spill, but no, he had to stay strong. For Jordan.

“Do you want Kevin and Sheila to be here?” he asked, the back of his throat aching worse and worse. 

Jordan shook his head weakly. “They don’t need to see this. They’ve been through enough. It will be better if they move on quickly.”  
Now the tears did spill over and James let out a sob.

“That’s not going to happen for me.”

“I know,” Jordan murmured. “But there’s nothing I can do about that.”

James had never felt pain like this. Nothing he had ever experienced could compare to the agony coursing through his veins and shattering his heart. Jordan was gazing up at him through heavy eyelids, smiling sluggishly. It was the first smile that James had seen that looked as though he truly meant it. He let out another sob, pressing his hand harder against the hole in his friend’s abdomen, feeling the warm blood bubbling up. Jordan’s blood. 

“I couldn’t save him, but I saved you,” Jordan said huskily, startling James. He choked on another sob, not bothering to swipe at the tears running down his cheeks.

“Why?” he managed. “Jordan…”

“You…need to keep on living. Kevin and Sheila, they need you now,” he murmured, his words slurring a little.

“No,” James shook his head, tears dripping onto Jordan’s shirt. “They need you!”

The weak man just closed his eyes and sighed shakily. “Not anymore. I’m done, James. Have been for a while.”

“Don’t say that!” James hissed, clutching onto Jordan’s hand with the one that wasn’t covered in blood. “I need you.”

Jordan opened his eyes again. The bright blue was fading, dulled with pain and loss of blood, but they were as piercing as they had ever been. “Oh, James,” he mumbled, barely audible. 

James ran his fingers through the sweaty hair tenderly, new tears brimming in his eyes. He had to ask. He had to hear it from Jordan’s lips. “You were in love with him, weren’t you?”

Jordan’s gaze became distant, his fingers scrabbling to find something in the dirt beside him. James handed him his hat and he grabbed it eagerly, relaxing and making eye contact again, his eyes shining with understanding and compassion. “Yes,” he whispered. “But you knew that.”

Then he squirmed. His eyes unfocused again and his hand clutching the hat tightened. “It hurts,” he whimpered.

James’ own pain was becoming more than he could bear. He stroked Jordan’s forehead. “I know. I wish I could help. I feel so fucking helpless.”

The bleeding man couldn’t answer, his eyes closed in pain, his breathing shallow and tight. James’ panic increased tenfold. “No, no, no! Please no. Jordan you can’t leave me. Please!” he begged, tears streaming unchecked down his cheeks. 

Jordan opened his eyes, clearly struggling. His gaze was hazy and unfocused, but he smiled gently and moved his cold and bloody hand into James’. 

“You…you’ve done so much,” he breathed. “Thank you. Take…take the hat.” He released his grip which he had maintained the whole time and James picked it up, smoothing it out carefully without taking his right hand out of Jordan’s. 

“I’ll always remember you Jordan,” he promised, kissing him on the forehead before completely breaking down.  
Jordan’s eyes fell shut one more time, a small smile still on his lips. The rise and fall of his chest was becoming more and more imperceptible, his skin steadily losing color. 

“Aleks,” he murmured, the name a prayer on his lips. “I’ve missed you…”

He stopped breathing as James wept.

When Jordan Mathewson died, a piece of James Wilson did as well, never to return or be repaired. A memory and a ragged red baseball cap were all he had left of the man that he had fallen in love with so quickly, but so deeply. 

We never know who we might find along the way, and we also never know who we might lose.

That’s just how Fate rolls.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please tell me what you think. I'm still relatively new to this whole fan fiction thing. Should I keep posting things?


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